i hate the fact i had to let you go. you threw it all away for a girl who looks like fucking snooki

ive been contemplating about whether or not this relationship is worth it. i tried to compromise and let myself believe that he doesnt know better sinces hes never really had an actual long term gf. but im tired of that bullshit…i went through these games with my ex. always fighting and breaking up. i let him go and weve always came back to eachother numerous times until i finally learned to accept it and move forward. but thats all in the past now. why does this relationship feel like its that same cycle. when are you going to learn to grow up and quit this bullshit. you say you want to be with me….but im not stupid. please dont take me as a fool and try to bullshit me. ive been in your position before—-> playing with peoples emotions. i admit it was fun until i grew out of the LITTLE KIDS shit. karmas a bitch. wait for it. ive been scared to let my my guards down with you, but lately i have. regardless, that doesnt mean i wont drop you for good in a second. i wont be losing out on anything right? you dont even act like a bf should. you wont even admit to yourself that your the one whose doing things wrong. i dont put in my efforts? whose the one putting up with your moodswings and assholeness and dont say shit. im the one who barely gets a phonecall from you but i dont complain. youre probably thinking i should call, too. but everytime i use to call, you never wanted to talk or even hear what i had to say. plus, why should i show any appreciations if i dont get any in return. people have told me sooo many times not to give you the time of day because youre just going to end up hurting me. i guess well see, but i know i shouldnt wait around to find out and just quit this relationship.

wanting what you cant have: we always want what we cant have and once we have it, we dont appreciate it. then when its gone, you regret ever letting it go. i admit ive played that game before, that “idgaf” role. but after awhile the game ends….why hasnt it for you? you say you like me but actions speak louder than words…

“if you aint got trust, you got nothing”

trust/communication: why do i have such a hard time letting myself trust people? i always have my guards up because i dont want to get played and i jump to conclusions automatically. i never let myself completely open up to someone because i dont want to get hurt. i can commmunicate just fine with everyone else but the one person i need to communicate with the most, i cant even say a word about what makes me happy/upset/annoyed/crazy/angry/bitchy/etc. i never let myself go and “enjoy the ride.” i need to trust the people who actually do care about me instead of being…this. people say commnication is key and its true, but i hate sounding stupid, so id just shut my mouth.but why should i let my guards down? for what? just to get hurt…whatever its too late now, i messed it up…